Loving My Lashes, Loving Myself

I look in the mirror more lately. I blink and bat my eyelashes at myself in awe. Look at that length! Sure, they would appear normal by most standards, but for me I have model length lashes for the first time in over ten years.

For the better part of my life, anxiety has caused me to do some silly things. Pull my hair out, pluck all my eyebrows, pick at my lips, and pull out my eyelashes. All of these being visible to others, I have walked a fine line of no one noticing to being questioned or even made fun of for my habits.

I tricked myself into my longer lashes this time. I spent $30 on a bottle of lash lengthing product that I would be darned if I wasted. I actually convinced myself to leave my eyelashes alone for the past month, and for my dedication I no longer have stubble or an empty spot on my eyelid.  Now, I am not sure if I can pin this success on the product, or just the fact that I finally let my eyelashes grow without interfering. I suppose either way, the $30 was well spent.

It’s about time I made myself up with some eye shadow and mascara without worrying that people will notice the glaring lack of eyelashes. While some might bemoan the idea that to be pretty you have to apply makeup, I’m just glad I finally have the ability to do so after years of hoping no one was really looking at my face.

Creating a Masterpiece

I had three whole paragraphs of an entry written here when I realized that I was writing about substantial topics but not giving them substantial time. Sure, I can knock out a blog entry in five minutes that might be decent, but it will not be great. Too often I rush into things looking for the quick fix, the quick answer. My goal in this blog and this life transformation is to take it slow and do it right the first time.

So I will be back with an entry that has substance as soon as I give it time to be crafted. The beauty of social media is the wealth of awesome quotes at my fingertips. Today an author I admire, Donald Miller, happened to tweet a quote that relates to this topic perfectly:

"Pixar takes three years to plan their stories. How much time have you spent planning your life?"

Boredom

I am writing a new blog entry because I am bored. This boredom very nearly convinced me to drive to the store and buy/consume a six pack of cupcakes.

Writing this while daydreaming about those delicious cupcakes is not an easy thing to do. Does this mean I'm "dieting" and "restricting" foods I love? Not at all. Because here's the thing:

I don't actually want the cupcakes. I think they will fulfill me and occupy my time. In reality it will only take me about 15 minutes to consume the whole package. At which point I will still be bored, but now with an added stomach ache and a side of guilt.

I wanted to craft and compose a great entry, but to be honest when I get this bored, I get restless. Not just my body, but my mind. I have about ten different things vying for my attention in my brain right now, and this is where I get impulsive and dash to the store for a sugar high. Instead, I chose to use this blog as my journal, my outlet. Only a few minutes into the process and my brain is slowing down, focusing in on my grammar, sentence structure, and choice of words. Is this post going to be perfect? Not a chance. It will, however, distract me from those cupcakes long enough to realize that I'm not even hungry. I'm bored, and here's what I am doing about it.

This, and searching for delicious cupcake recipes so that when I do have a genuine cupcake craving, I will have a wonderful homemade treat to enjoy. :)

Cheers to New Beginnings!

Sometimes I want to just erase all of the old entries on this blog and start over from scratch. It's embarrassing to look back at my last post in September of 2011 and read about how I was busy, but I'm getting back on track. Because, let's be honest. I clearly did not get back on track. In fact, I went down a whole different road and ended up lost and ten pounds heavier.

I'm pretty sure that qualifies as a fail. Mmhmm.

It occurs to me though, that if I delete these posts, I will be deleting a fairly large (no pun intended) part of the whole picture in my struggle to overcome obesity. When I ultimately lose the weight(and believe you me, I WILL lose the weight), this blog should represent every stage of the journey, not just the part where I finally start dropping the pounds. So the posts will stay, and I will move forward from today.

I have a ton of new resources and insight, and even a new accountability partner(Hi, Cassie!), so I am looking forward to this next step in my life. One in which I not only lose the weight, but I will ultimately face my emotional eating and learn how to take the best care of myself, in all aspects of life.

I will make it a goal to post at least one new entry a week. Here we go!